Sunday, December 2, 2001
Good morning.
Thanks This Week So Far to
Cristopher Hess, Jay Vivian, Marty Tippin, Tom Carlson, Mike Wallis, Stephen Bensing, Kirk Stiebel, Terry Thompson, Glenn Smoak, Ethan Minovitz, Dan Fernandez, John Breed, Paul Tucek, Jeff Gable, Mark Yacono, Craig McAdie, Galen Palmer, Jai Hari Singh Khalsa, and the News of the Weird Senior Advisors and Chief Correspondents.
A Judge Not Really into This Anti-Terrorism Stuff
Ontario judge Ian Nordheimer released Abdellah Ouzghar on bail of about 3G [US], even though he’s on the lam from a conviction in France for helping to produce fake passports for an Algerian Islamic terrorist organization. The judge said he didn’t think Ouzghar would flee, in that he was married to a Canadian, and besides, he didn’t think the French prosecutor had all that good a case, since the conviction was obtained in absentia. [CBC News, 11-30-01]
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There Are No Editors on Duty at Reuters
A Reuters report from Lagos, Nigeria, on Thursday, concerning Al Gore’s speech at the Nigerian Institute of Int’l Affairs, had this line: “We [Al ‘n’ Tipper] have started a family restaurant in Tennessee, and we are running it ourselves. It is a low-cost restaurant.” Just about the time you’re ready to go into “Scoop” mode, Reuters re-reported the story on Friday: “We stopped at a little family restaurant in Tennessee. We were eating there by ourselves. It was a low-cost restaurant.” [Yr Ed, who generally accepts Reuters stories at face value, has to take a walk around the block after this one.]
Update
Paul “Freck” Morgan, the guy who wants to cut off his feet (in order to start over and graft better ones) and who has set up a website to finance the operation, has twice postponed the big day, which is now January 5. Price is still only $19.99, and members get access to his chat room and live coverage of the chop.
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Mayors in the News
F State mayor Carolyn Risher of Inglis (pop. 1,400, near Ocala) made the papers by issuing a proclamation (and embedding it in posts on the outskirts of town) declaring her village to be a Satan-free zone. She said she’s concerned with DUI drivers, child molesters, thieves, and townkids going Goth: “We are taking everything back that the devil ever stole from us.” And Georgetown, Colo. (pop. 1,100, west of Denver), mayor Koleen Brooks has townspeople in a tizzy over several issues, ranging from her alleged general cluelessness to reports that she returned to her roots as a topless dancer and bared the mayoral chest in May at Dexter’s Tavern on the Creek. [St. Petersburg Times, 11-29-01] [Rocky Mountain News, 11-30-01]
Today's Titillating-Coed Story
A piece on Thursday in the Northwestern U. daily described Dr. Michael Bailey’s research project (which had already been vetted by the school’s ethics people, so relax): To determine sexual arousal rates of females by, respectively, heterosexual erotic images and lesbian erotic images, coeds were recruited at $75/hour (2 to 3 times the going rate for campus research guinea pigs) to have the “vaginal photo-plethysmograph” inserted to measure moisture and swelling. Preliminary conclusion: Women (whether straight or gay) get aroused by either (whereas, earlier research showed men aroused only by whichever is their sexual preference). [Daily Northwestern, 11-29-01]
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Can't Possibly Be True
Heart surgeon James McClurken, Abington Memorial in Philadelphia, reported on Tuesday that when he looked at the heart of his 70-yr-old bypass patient, he saw an old wound that surely indicated that an object had entered and exited. It turns out that the man had indeed taken a slug, in the Korean War, but thought at the time that it must have missed the heart, but now the surgeon says it went through so fast that the wound closed right up with no ill effects. [Washington Post-AP, 11-30-01]
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Below the Fold for Sunday
A man not as smart as John and Patsy Ramsey was arrested in Rock Hill, S.C., after his daughter was found strangled in her bed; charged with murder is 38-yr-old Billy Wayne Cope.
Two men, probably illegal Mexican nationals, were abruptly killed when, riding atop a railroad boxcar in broad daylight, they failed to respect an underpass (Tucson, Ariz.).
Medical-marijuana user David Fawcett was all over the papers in southern California this week after his insurance company paid off, under the “trees and shrubs” clause in his homeowner’s policy, for the police’s now-wrongful seizure of his marijuana plants in May.
An amateur astronomer was fined about $500 [US] in Wellington, New Zealand, after being caught driving on the wrong side of the road at night with his lights off; he said the lights deal was necessary in order for him to be able to see the black holes in space better.
[Sources: NBC6.com-AP, 11-30-01; Arizona Daily Star, 11-29-01; Inland Valley Daily Bulletin, 11-29-01; Wellington Evening Post, 11-30-01]
Saturday, December 1, 2001
Good morning.
Thinning the Herd via Insurance Scam
Mr. Andreas Plack, 29, passed away in the woods near Merano, Italy, recently, of blood loss, after his co-conspirator whacked his leg off with a chainsaw in a brilliant plan to collect on some generous disability-insurance policies Mr. Plack had purchased. The co-conspirator had unexpectedly whacked a major artery, then run away in panic, leaving Mr. Plack dying. [BBC News, 11-29-01]
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Unclear on the Concept of Poverty
Dolly Neff, executive director of the West Texas Food Bank (Odessa) for 16 yrs, resigned this week following some hubbub that was created when she stood on a chair at an event the day before Thanksgiving and screamed at the food recipients that they should all show more gratitude for all the charity they’re receiving. [Dallas Morning News, 11-30-01]
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The Wages of Guarding Against Sin in South Bend
Law enforcement officials and porn purveyors both know how onerous Supreme Court standards are to enforce, and in most cities and towns in America, the 2 sides have reached an amicable truce: Purveyors stay away from certain porn genres, and in return, cops stay out of stores. But neither side bent in South Bend, Ind., so the Little Denmark bookstore went to trial this week on whether videos featuring explicit group sex and anal sex are outside community standards, and the 12-person jury had to endure watching 11 hours of tapes start to finish, featuring wall-to-wall-sex. Verdict soon. [Yr Ed, recalling having to watch “Barry Lyndon” to impress a girlfriend, commiserates.] [Arizona Republic-AP, 11-28-01]
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Below the Fold for Saturday
Hunter Randolph Scott Stidham was charged in Jackson, Ky., with illegally killing an elk, which he naively paraded around town in his pickup, showing friends what a stud he was for killing such a big deer (which is generally 1/4 the size of elk); said a state wildlife official, “Anyone who mistakenly shoots an elk is an idiot.”
The owner of a London apartment whose hallway window had been blocked for over a year by a huge Microsoft billboard, opened his own sun hole in the billboard the other day, to the cheers of neighbors and Microsoft-haters everywhere.
2 yrs ago, Italy’s highest appeals court overturned a rape conviction on the ground that the woman had been dressed in provocatively tight jeans but on Tuesday refused to let another rape defendant skate by on that ruling; he had argued that his ex-wife’s jeans were so tight that they could not have been removed unless she helped remove them (and thus, consented to the sex).
[Sources: Yahoo-AP, 11-29-01; Daily Telegraph, 11-28-01; Yahoo-Reuters, 11-28-01]
Friday, November 30, 2001
Good morning.
Cross-Dressing, Gay, Former Animal-Abusing Man Beaten Up in Jail (Surprise!)
Michael C. Bessigano, 31, who is also 5-foot-3 and 130 lbs., who also told a judge in 1994 that he considered himself “an animal trapped in a human’s body,” got beaten up by an inmate in the Valparaiso, Ind., jail Tuesday. [Ed.: Perhaps having sex with kids would increase his likelihood of being beaten up, but only marginally.] [Gary Post-Tribune, 11-29-01][NOTE: This Link hasn't been working and may be one of those expires-in-24-hours Links.]
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Another Tax-Resisting Idaho "Travis Bickle" Character
Today is showdown day for Richard Masker, who owes 10G in back taxes in Kootenai County, Idaho, and has vowed to hole up and take down anyone who tries to foreclose on his land (or, in the alternative, to burn down the house with him and his wife in it). He’s behind in his payment plan but could just pay his $240 for November today. On the other hand, he has been deteriorating lately in the already-low regard he holds the gov’t. Watch the news. [Idaho Statesman-AP, 11-29-01]
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Freshly-Convicted Rapist Okay to Graduate from Penn State
Haitian-born political science major Jean Celestin, 22, was convicted in October of sexual assault (the victim had drunk way too much but did not consent, the court ruled) but will graduate on time on Dec. 15. University officials justified their decision by pointing to the victim’s request to take no action until the criminal case was completed. Well, she meant the court case, but the university says that must also include whatever additional discipline the school decides on, and those things take time. The victim and much of the community are going nuts over the university’s decision. [Philadelphia Inquirer, 11-29-01] LINK
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Updates and Recurring Themes
A baby fiddling with a cell phone hit the automatic-911 button, drawing police to the home, where the old man was revealed to be wanted on an old warrant (and he also allegedly had some marijuana) (Jacksonville, Fla.).
Doctors at the University of Tokyo Hospital apparently left forceps inside a woman after a September operation (they turned up after cremation), but never mind: She was already dead (the operation was for tissue removal).
The Louisiana Supreme Court finally got around to suspending the New Orleans appeals court judge, Charles R. Jones, who roughed up a colleague in January [News of the Weird 683]; the dispute arose because Jones wanted to affirmative-action hire a sistah, but his colleague insisted on going through standard hiring procedures.
No Longer Weird: A 25-yr-old man pleaded guilty in Pueblo, Colo., to vehicular homicide, with the main evidence against him that he drove 14 miles after the collision with the victim’s motorcycle embedded in the grill of his truck.
[Sources: Florida Times-Union, 11-29-01; Mainichi Daily News, 11-30-01; CNN-AP, 11-28-01; DenverChannel.com, 11-28-01]
Thursday, November 29, 2001
Good morning.
Tempers Flaring
(1) James Craig Wilson, 47, Vancouver, Wash., was jailed on Sunday after realizing how badly tangled his Xmas tree lights had been left (by the missus) from last Xmas and feeling the need therefore to fire a few shots from his .45 into the ground to calm himself down. The last straw before Wilson reached for his gun came when he had the lights pretty much untangled and laid out on the driveway but then his daughter accidentally drove over them. (2) The estranged wife of Tennessee state Sen. John Ford went nuts on Tuesday after being dissed by Ford’s main squeeze at a house Ford had recently bought. Mrs. Ford tried to drive her Jaguar through the garage doors, then drove around back and smashed through French doors, into the house. [Canoe.ca-AP, 11-28-01] [Associated Press, 11-28-01]
Updates and Recurring Themes
Indictments in Cincinnati snared the owner of the SUV who decided he was too drunk to drive and so turned the keys over to his sober companion, who had an accident, killing a pedestrian; oh, yeah, almost forgot: The companion is a paraplegic, who drove by cruise control but could not operate the brake pedal. And as reported by that paragon of journalism, Entertainment Tonight (citing as its source that further paragon of journalism, the National Enquirer), among the items police confiscated in the widely-reported erotic-materials bust of Paul Reubens’s home earlier this month were 2,000 videotapes. [Plain Dealer, 11-28-01] [Entertainment Tonight Online, 11-27-01]
Unlucky Burglar
Fulton County (Ga.) police said the only reason Derrick Van, 36, got caught at all was because some coins fell on the floor in the course of the burglary he was committing. When he bent down to pick them up, his eye happened to catch the homeowner under the bed (where he later said he would have been perfectly happy to have stayed if Van had just walked right out after the burglary), and the homeowner happened to be holding a loaded .357 Magnum, and, startled, he fired 5 shots, wounding Van badly. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 11-28-01]
Nearly-Perfect Children
As one of his last acts in office, outgoing Atlanta city councilman Lee Morris tried to vote through changes for the names of two out-of-the-way streets in town to the names of his 2 youngest kids (in that they had complained that he had 6 yrs earlier gotten a street named for his eldest daughter). In his defense, Morris uttered this fabulous line: “The only thing they ever asked from me was this.” Debate continues in Atlanta. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 11-26-01]
Below the Fold for Thursday
Spanish soccer federation player Francisco Gallardo has gotten worldwide coverage the last few days on the report that, in the midst of a wild celebration of his team’s win, he publicly and playfully nibbled on his goalie’s clinton.
Greg Bonnett filed a lawsuit against the strip club at the Barnett Hotel, Port Moody, B.C., for the broken nose and other assorted injuries he suffered when a dancer working a pole swung her leg around and smacked him in the face.
Tampa, Fla., radio personality Dave (Dave the Dwarf) Flood, 37, filed a federal lawsuit to overturn the state’s 1989 ban on drarf-tossing exhibitions in bars, as an unconstitutional interference with his livelihood (even though a dwarf anti-defamation organization supports the ban).
[BBC News, 10-28-01; Vancouver Sun-CP, 11-28-01; Tampa Tribune, 11-29-01]
Wednesday, November 28, 2001
Good morning.
A No-Longer-Weirded Story that Has Legs
Penna. newspapers had a field day yesterday with the abrupt discovery of the decayed body of a would-be-49-yr-old man who apparently died 3 yrs ago in his condo in Warminster. Those stories happen these days so frequently that Yr Ed won’t touch it unless the death scene vies for the world record of dormancy (about 5 yrs). However, the Philadelphia Inquirer’s story reveals that several people had a chance to discover the body much sooner and didn’t (despite the smell that was apparent early on): the regular postal carrier (made one report to supervisor early on), postal service supervisor (made one report to police early on), at least one neighbor (early on), village officials who towed the man’s car for expired registration, condo association president (several calls to police), police (received several calls but did not pursue), condo association management company (“tried” to track the man down several times), sheriff’s deputy (no one home, so tacked up a notice on the door). [Philadelphia Inquirer, 11-27-01]
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Updates and Recurring Themes
The latest vigilante murders in Africa over suspicion that a man has made village men’s penises disappear through sorcery: Cotonou, Benin (that’s a country in West Africa).
The cross-dressing dermatologist on trial in Lawrence, Mass., for killing his wife last year (Richard Sharpe) [Weird Planet Daily, 11-7-01]: guilty.
Mssr. Rael, the head of the cult trying to clone humans somewhere outside the U.S. (after setting up an illegal lab inside, see News of the Weird 715), greeted the weekend news of cloning breakthrough by the Mass. company with a big yawn. [Click Link at end of this section.]
In the price-fixing trial of Sotheby’s auction house in New York, a former CEO of the company testified on Monday for the defense because he said he didn’t think the then-chairman, A. Alfred Taubman, was smart enough to pull off the deal.
[Sources: The Australian-AP, 11-28-01; Tampa Tribune-AP, 11-28-01; San Jose Mercury News-Reuters, 11-26-01] [SFGate.com-AP, 11-26-01] [Link is to Rael story.]
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Below the Fold for Wednesday
Fla. Highway Patrolman Jeffrey N. Hess, 25, is looking at up to 5 yrs in the slammer after being charged in Orlando with using his badge to get a young lady into the back seat of his cruiser in order to touch her navel and tell her how cute her navel ring is.
NY Daily News’s Rush & Malloy reported yesterday that Jimmy Carter’s latest book recounts his bout with hemorrhoids during his historic Middle East peace negotiations with Anwar Sadat, and that Sadat enlisted his country to pray for relief (whereupon Carter almost immediately became pain-free).
Authorities in Nezperce, Idaho, have finally decided that Robert A. Perry’s March shooting death was not the “suicide” his nephew said it was and have charged the nephew; Perry was shot twice in the head.
A couple in Ware, Mass., have decided to appeal a trial court ruling that they can’t recover in a lawsuit for the emotional loss of a companion animal (which are mere “property”); it’s a tough sell because their pets were sheep, which they bottle-fed and baked homemade chocolate cookies for.
[Sources: Orlando Sentinel, 11-28-01; New York Daily News, 11-27-01; Idaho State Journal-AP, 11-26-01; Click2Houston.com-AP, 11-26-01]
Tuesday, November 27, 2001
Good morning.
Man Pleads Guilty to Hit and Run Against Train
Driver tries to beat slow-moving train to crossing in Augusta. Ga., almost makes it, gets rammed, gets dragged about 45 feet, then breaks free and drives off, gets caught, pleads to hit and run and is fined $1,600. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution, 11-27-01]
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Below the Fold for Tuesday
Apparently, PETA will soon enlist in the anti-Osama crusade; maybe he had a hand in 4,000 deaths, but PETA’s after him because he runs leather tanneries in Khartoum and tests nerve gas on dogs.
An English professor at Fort Lewis College (Durango, Colo.) celebrated her recent grant of tenure by creating the course “The Poetics of Porn.”
New York City, tired of having criminals divert truckers hauling away Ground Zero debris for profit, said it will fit trucks with global positioning devices and monitor their precise routes (at a cost of $100M).
[Sources: MSNBC.com, 11-26-01; Rocky Mountain News, 11-26-01; New York Post, 11-26-01]
Editor's Notes (Tuesday, November 27, 2001)
* Reader Tom Mabe reports that a CD with chickens singing Xmas carols has hit the market, at www.ChristmasChicks.com
Monday, November 26, 2001
Good morning.
R.I.P., Ms. Megan Boyd
From an obit in The Times (London): “Megan Boyd, of Brora in Sutherland, was hailed by many as the finest [tie-er] of fishing flies in the world. She began tying flies at the age of 12 under the expert tutelage of [Bob Trussler], and quickly became an artist in the craft. She made her reputation by tying classic and traditional flies [and tied] some of the most complicated patterns [which] can only be produced by an expert of her calibre. Yet [s]he never fished herself.” [The Times, 11-26-01]
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Uh-Oh. Get Ready.
The Daily Telegraph, citing a Glasgow doctor this morning, reported that the most promising drug yet for overcoming shyness (Escitalopram) is in its final trials. Another time-honored adage (“It is better to keep your mouth closed and appear to be an idiot than to open it and remove all doubt”) is about to be sent to the scrap heap as thousands of shy people, who heretofore have performed the public service of silence, will begin contributing their oh-so-valuable thoughts and opinions to social discourse. Yr Ed believes the greater problem is that not enough people are shy. [Daily Telegraph, 11-26-01]
Below the Fold for Monday
An employee of the Christopher & Banks clothing chain (Silverdale, Wash.) was fired after taking time off last month to donate a kidney to her mother; the company said it would have helped her if the operation had taken place in other than the holiday season.
Toronto-based vultures have returned again to roost on the Orange County (Orlando) Courthouse, provoking the obvious jokes; depending on who you talk to, vultures are either very intelligent and clean, or they projectile-vomit and urinate on themselves to keep cool.
British police are proposing to establish a register/database for troublemaking children, as young as 3, so the system can better keep tabs on them as they grow into what is probably (though not certainly) a life of crime.
A 35-yr-old man was killed Sunday in St. Augustine, Fla., during a battle-royal over a choice fishing spot on the Matanzas Bridge.
[Sources: Minneapolis Star-Tribune, 11-23-01; Orlando Sentinel, 11-25-01; Sydney Morning Herald-Daily Telegraph (London), 11-23-01; Miami Herald-AP, 11-26-01]
Editor's Notes (Monday, November 26, 2001)
* Correspondent John Cieciel reports this website, the apparently-authentic hangout for those sexually into riding on the shoulders of people, horsey-style (www.TheHumanEquine.com).
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News of the Weird Board of Editorial Advisors
Senior Advisors Jenny T. Beatty, Gaal Shepherd Crowl, Paul
Di Filippo, Geoffrey Egan, Sam Gaines, Ivan Katz, Barbara
McDonald, Matt Mirapaul, and Jim Sweeney.
Chief Correspondents Paul Bogrow, Bob Brown,
Michael Colpitts, Lance E. Ellisor, Harry Farkas, Leslie Goodman-Malamuth, Fritz Gritzner, Ginger Katz, Wolf Kirchmeir, Myra J. Linden, Bob McCabe, Victor McDonald, Kerry O'Conner, Jerry Pohlen, Yvonne Pover, Larry Ellis Reed, Tom Slone, H.Thompson, Bruce Townley, Barbara Tyger, and Elyse Verse.
Sustained Excellence in Weird-News Reporting: Gary Abbott, Bob Bayer, Dave Beck, Paul Blumstein, Rob Borosak, John Cieciel, Roger Gulbransen, Peter P. Gunther, Herb Jue, Scott Langill, David Lips, Joe Littrell, Steve Miller, Paul Music, Christopher Nalty, Joel O'Brien, Allen Pasternak, Jason Rule, Lee Sechrest, Rob Snyder, Maurine Taylor, Marty Turnauer, Willard Wheeler, Mark Weiss, Jerry Whittle, and Peter Wolf.
The people on this list do not necessarily agree with Yr Ed’s opinions and in fact are probably appalled by some of them from time to time.
©
2001, Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
