Legalizing Prostitution Fails in the Netherlands
A New York Times story this morning said the only thing that has turned out efficient in last yr’s legalization is that the gov’t collects its taxes; other institutions (such as banks and insurance companies) continue to reject sex workers’ bona fides. Plus, the bureaucracy is stifling: The workplace health and safety people now of course prescribe the temperature the women’s work underwear has to be washed at, and they have to trim their nails short, and the cubicles have to be brightly illuminated, and they have to have separate rest rooms, and the floors have to be bleach-scrubbed, and an agency even specified that the beds had to have pillows (which freaks some of the women out because pillows can be murder weapons). [New York Times, 8-12-01] [This link is free, but you have to register at the site.]
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Below the Fold for Sunday
The head of the air traffic controllers’ union in San Francisco admitted he was the bank robber wanted for as many as 9 recent jobs. [New York Times-AP, 8-12-01]
Ira Einhorn, the once-convicted murderer who smirkily holed up in France for 20 yrs but was finally extradited this yr for his re-trial in Philadelphia, said he’s going to start fasting unless they stop serving him all that sugary food in prison. [St. Petersburg Times, 8-12-01]
On Thursday, an extremely sympathetic judge in Roanoke, Va., gave Maurice Dooley, 29, a suspended sentence for a February bank robbery; Dooley was not a bank customer and thus couldn’t get a check cashed, but then told the teller to try again because he had a gun, and the teller then agreed to cash it if Dooley would allow him to photocopy his driver’s license, which Dooley then handed over. [Roanoke Times, 8-9-01]
NOTE: Weekend Updates
appear by mid-day (noon-2 p.m. Eastern time) Saturday and Sunday. Weekday updates appear usually by mid-morning (9-11 a.m.).
Below the Fold for Saturday
A 37-yr-old woman became the nation’s latest highway fatality of the subset “plunged to death on side of road while looking for place to urinate” (on I-80 near Mifflinville, Pa.). [New York Times-AP, 8-10-01]
A generous plea bargain was arranged for the 10-yr-old Pennsylvania bank robber [Weird Central, 7-23-01], but her 13-yr-old partner, being older, faces tougher going even though the teller seemed to indicate that the younger girl was the chief capo. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 8-10-01]
A 35-yr-old man pleaded guilty in Edmonton, Alberta, to impersonating a cop and in the worst way: He bumbled up to an undercover cop who was playing prostitute and tried to convince her to give him a freebie because he, too, was on the job. [Edmonton Sun, 8-10-01]
The Smell Industry
Yr Ed prefers that people smell good rather than bad, but it’s another story to listen to a perfume executive try to manufacture, or even describe, one of his scents, as a Thursday Wall Street Journal report demonstrates. The president of Liz Claiborne Fragrances decided he needed a “Latino” smell (whatever in the world that is; it’s not chili peppers or cigars), and after spending much money testing word/phrase concepts, “found” it; then he gave the concept to 7 perfumers, who mixed substances to “achieve” that concept (however one does that) (including one episode in which “hibiscus” was included, even though the hibiscus is odorless and so necessitated a sub-cocktail of its own that the perfumer said was “what [the hibiscus] would smell like if it had a fragrance”). One smell was rejected but went on to become a men’s cologne as “a clean-scrubbed macho from Spain.” Whatever that is. We don’t quite know what Liz Claiborne’s “Mambo” smells like, but the perfumer says, “The streets of Miami have a little bit of this vibration.” [Wall Street Journal, 8-9-01]
The Academic's Life of Quiet Contemplation
A retired college professor was convicted on Wednesday of conducting a 12-yr, tacky hate-mail ‘n’ tricks campaign against neighbors in Manfield, England. Dr. James Forster, 68, formerly a science lecturer at the Open University, called a young woman next door a prostitute, threatened to bomb another neighbor, sent pornography to a 13-yr-old girl, sent 300 other letters, among other episodes, and had a list of neighbors’ alleged sins. And, according to police, Forster used a variety of wily tricks to disrupt their investigation [tricks no doubt learned from years of academic infighting]. [BBC News, 8-9-01]
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Uh-Oh: Software to Write "News of the Weird"?
Software developers Charles Callaway and James Lester (both of N.C. State) say their Author program (originally designed to help with child literacy problems) could, with just a little tweaking, be made to scan the wires, select stories by topic, and rewrite them into reader-friendly copy. However, a British journalism-profession defender said such artificial intelligence “will never be able to produce the same standards as a real reporter,” and Callaway and Lester, themselves, admit that Author can do nothing to detect errors and hoaxes [and for that, Yr Ed is on the job]. [The Guardian, 8-9-01]
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Below the Fold for Friday
Suspected (but still at large) in the murder of his girlfriend on Sunday night in Moreland, Ga.: Lewis Wayne Seay. [The Times Herald (Newnan, Ga.), 8-8-01]
Mary Jane Woodland was arrested for tampering with evidence in a Bowling Green, Ohio, murder case after, according to authorities, she cleaned up the murder weapon (a recently-purchased shovel) and took it back to Wal-Mart for a refund. [Toledo Blade, 8-8-01]
According to an organization called Kids ‘N Cars, quoted in a Los Angeles Times story yesterday, 34 kids nationwide have died in the last yr after parents naïvely locked them in cars that overheated. [Los Angeles Times, 8-9-01]
The naturist guy who burned his feet severely last year at a resort’s spiritual hot-coals firewalking exercise filed a lawsuit against everyone involved, claiming that the organizer promised that the red-hot embers wouldn’t hurt all that much. [Sacramento Bee-AP, 8-8-01]
The Great Wichita Corn Husk Caper
In straight-reported stories on Friday and Tuesday, the Wichita Eagle informs the community that more than a thousand 30-inch-long, dried corn husks have floated down from the sky onto the town. Two meteorologists swear that no local weather could have accounted for it; an aviation authority or two doubt that the husks could have fallen from a plane. News of the Weird chief correspondent David Lips advises from a Kansas pal that a local evangelical ministry had woven “corn husks” into its pro-life message in mid-July and surely must believe that this is a sign. Ladies and gentlemen, we need to keep this on the radar screen [the story, not the corn husks]. [Wichita Eagle, 8-4-01, 8-7-01]
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More on Dogs Laughing
Yesterday, Yr Ed reported on the researcher who speculates that dogs have a distinctive laugh-type sound pattern, and yesterday also brought news that a big Japanese toy company will release a dog “translator” in February at about $100 to gauge a dog’s “mood” by listening to his barking and other voice sounds and then translating that for humans into a vocabulary of about 200 words (“happy,” “annoyed,” “frustrated”). [Yr Ed knows several humans for whom–ahhh, never mind.] The device is the “Bow-lingual,” made by Takara. [CNN-Reuters, 8-8-01]
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Below the Fold
At least nine people have been arrested so far in India in the alleged hanging of an eloping man and woman, who were killed because they were from different castes; the arrest total may climb, for apparently the murders proceeded with widespread approval in the village. [The Times of India, 8-8-01]
The American Jewish Congress condemned the Saudi High Islamic Council’s decision last week lifting a certain restriction on work that women can do outside the home; the Council had announced that women, who for example can’t be taxi drivers, can be suicide bombers. [American Jewish Conference news release, 8-7-01]
The big story out of the Bahamas on Sunday was the shark attack that necessitated the amputation of the leg of a Wall Street banker on holiday; Yr Ed calls to your attention that the man is Mr. Krishna Thompson, and his lovely wife is Ms. Ave Maria Thompson. [St. Petersburg Times-AP, 8-7-01]
Researcher Says Dogs Laugh
In a conference paper delivered last week, Prof. Patricia Simonet (Sierra Nevada College, Lake Tahoe, Nev.) said dogs make a 4th distinctive sound pattern beyond the common ones (bark, growl, whine): a “pant” that is unmistakably joyous and playful, such as in tearing up a flower bed or looking back over his shoulder when he’s leaving his master’s sorry butt behind in a chase. Simonet found that the “pant” was a series of sounds too subtle for most humans to pick up in the everyday commotion, but that when she played the sound for 15 puppies, all moved immediately to toys and began to frolic. [Washington Times, 8-7-01]
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Japanese Gov't: A Cleaning Chemical Changes Fish's Gender
The Japanese Environmental Ministry announced last Friday that the chemical nonyl phenol (used in industrial detergents), present in polluted drainage canals in sufficient concentrations, caused male “killifish” to grow eggs in their testicles. Scientists believe this has the effect of converting them from the M column to the F column, rather than merely making their scrota sort of a one-stop procreation center. [Japan Times, 8-4-01]
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Below the Fold for Wednesday
Alan Dukelow, 48, was charged in San Diego with setting his 85-yr-old mother’s hair on fire with a blowtorch after she told him to keep the noise down in their home. [Channel 10 News (TheSanDiegoChannel.com), 8-7-01]
A 24-yr-old man was in critical condition (loss of blood) after jumping naked through a jagged hole he had made in the plate glass front window of the Mormon church visitor’s center in St. George, Utah; police found him embracing the statue of Jesus in the lobby. [Salt Lake Tribune, 8-4-01]
William French, 20, was arrested in Framingham, Mass., and charged with a rape last week; he was identified because in the course of a hasty retreat, he forgot his pants (which contained a personal CD player, from which a fingerprint was lifted). [Metrowest Daily News (Framingham), 8-7-01]
A Brooklyn, N.Y., homeless man who habitually used a manhole as a toilet plunged to his death Saturday when he fell in. [Boston.com-AP, 8-7-01]
North London's Mole Man
William Lyttle, 71, may have gone too far this time. He’s been a compulsive digger for years, say neighbors, all over his property, once going about 50 feet straight down before getting bored and cementing up the hole, but last week, the street collapsed in front of his home due to his latest venture, believed to be the first time he had strayed beyond his property line. Lyttle lives in a 20-room home that would be worth about $1.5M if it weren’t in such disrepair. [The Guardian (London), 8-4-01]
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Below the Fold for Tuesday
7 grandchildren-pups of the famous San Francisco killer Canary Island breed dog were advertised last week in the Los Angeles Times classifieds for $1,200 each; the prosecutor pursuing the grandfather’s owner went nuts. [San Francisco Chronicle, 8-4-01]
Either the Economy’s Getting Worse or eBay’s Soaring: Greater Manchester (England) Waste told the BBC that it is lately experiencing more attacks on its haulers, from people getting testy about being denied full access to pick through garbage. [BBC News, 8-3-01]
Jonathan Hirons, 18, was arrested in Westminster, Mass., last week after allegedly breaking into a liquor store for a 30-pack of beer and then inexplicably, gratuitously calling 911 while inside and shouting an epithet at the operator. [Worcester Telegram & Gazette, 8-3-01]
New York police were circulating 14 photos of an alleged robber of a livery-cab driver last week; the guy made a hasty getaway, and it was dark, and he couldn’t see that the package of family photos had fallen out of his pocket in the back seat. [New York Post, 8-4-01]
The Summer of the Gator/Croc Continues: United Parcel Service said it had inadvertently shipped a boxed-up 5-ft-long alligator to New York City last week. [New York Post, 8-4-01]
Rescuing the Trucker Sinking in Manure
Brave, selfless rescuers worked for over an hour last Monday night to get long-haul trucker Robert James Mainwood, 22, freed from his cab and out of the raw-human-sewage containment pond he had accidentally driven into off of Utah’s I-15 about 60 miles from the Arizona line. The cab had filled with manure to Mainwood’s shoulders. He was carrying a load of popcorn. [The Spectrum (St. George, Utah), 8-1-01]
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California Cat Man Gets Good Press in Glasgow
Scotland’s Daily Record last week wrote up San Diego computer programmer Dennis Smith’s quest for a fur graft, the latest step in his attempted transformation from human to tiger. He’s already got the: (1) orange and black stripe tattoos, (2) chiseled teeth, (3) latex whisker implants, and (4) lip surgery (into a permanent snarl). He needs $100G to have the tiger pelts he has collected sewn on: “When I have the coat of a tiger, I feel I will have reached my goal in life.” “Of course people stare at me when I walk down the street, but that’s the effect I desire.” [Daily Record, 8-2-01] [Ed.: The Daily Record has no archive, as in zero, but its stories are archived on the pay-per-view Dow Jones Publications Library; the free link below is to a knock-off in the somewhat-reliable Ananova.com news service]
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California Law Requires Parents to Give 50-Yr-Old Son $42G/Yr
In a story making the rounds today, a Ventura, Calif., judge has ruled that lawyer David Culp, 50, who moved from pillar of the profession to screaming at and roughing up judges and opposing counsel [diagnoses: depression, bipolar disorder], is entitled under a heretofore-obscure section of state law to be kept up by his parents, to the tune of $3.5G per month. There was evidence that Culp’s behavior was maybe exacerbated by the way his old man brought him up, but the state law does not require a finding of parental fault. [San Francisco Chronicle, 8-3-01]
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Well, Sure: Murder 16 Prostitutes in Iran, Get a Medal
So far, authorities in the holy city of Mashad, Iran, are holding to the arrest of Saeed Hanayi, 39, who confessed last week to 16 prostitute-killings (and to dreams of 150 if he hadn’t been caught), but some religious officials and their publications are calling for his release because the murders actually prevented countless men from being corrupted by the heathen ladies. [Daily Telegraph (London), 8-1-01]
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U.S. Ambassador to Germany in Deep Doo-Doo
German gov’t spokespeople are condemning new Ambassador Dan Coats (the former U.S. senator) for scolding their recent tightfisted military spending, especially since he hasn’t even moved in yet. He might be right on the cost-cutting, though: Said a Defense Ministry spokesperson, “[Toilet] paper is not always used [by soldiers] just in the lavatory, it is often also used to wipe things up. We are asking people to think before they wipe.” [Daily Telegraph (London), 8-4-01]
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Below the Fold for Monday
Benjamin Sharpe, 47, was arrested in Aiken County, Ga., and charged with stabbing his buddy Robert Wheeler in the back, insisting he had no choice because Wheeler wouldn’t listen to reason about being too drunk to drive. [Augusta Chronicle, 8-5-01]
The 73-yr-old mayor of Sturgis, Ky., and the fire chief that he had just terminated last week scuffled at city hall and came crashing through the front plate glass window, landing in a heap on the sidewalk. [The Gleaner (Henderson, Ky.), 7-31-01]
Knoxville (Tenn.) police cited Richard Merritt, whose 15-ft-long, 105-lb. Burmese python escaped Thursday, with violating the city’s leash law. [Knoxville News-Sentinel, 8-3-01]
Reading, Pa., probationer Robert Steven Smith lost his freedom, having been hustled off to jail for violating the terms of his release, namely having police called on him when he roughed up his girlfriend for beating him at a game of Monopoly. [Reading Eagle/Times, 8-3-01]
Arrested in Kansas on Thursday and charged with a Baltimore, Md., murder: Michael Wayne Farmer. [Baltimore Sun, 8-3-01]
Cumulative Thank Yous for the Week
Ted Hering, Mary Rowland, Jimmy Reynolds, Stephanie Cangin, Jack Crumbley, Minh Luong, Eric Caldwell, David Pimm, Nicole Chardenet, Jonathan Eisenberg, Bobby St. Jacques, Tim Maloney, Skip Munger, Eric Woytasek, Sara Hickey, Roger Strong, Chris Cain, Sean Smith, Howard Hubbard, Ken Garrido, Leslie Goodman-Malamuth, Joe Littrell, Jill Miller, John McCarron, Shawn Fitzpatrick, John Dean, David Cronin, Lance Spangler, Dave Cowdery, Steve Miller, Michael Noonan, Albert Clawson, Sigve Bø, Scott Fagen, Tyre Culbertson, Adam Feldman, Doug Hansen, Kevin Grishkot, and the News of the Weird Senior Advisors and Chief Correspondents.
©
2001, Chuck Shepherd. All rights reserved.
